Tech Cocktail loves a startup that has a sense of humor. What better way to grab people’s attention and expose a bit of personality? That’s why this blog post from LA-based BetterWorks caught our eye (we also have a special affinity for a well crafted cocktail…). The startup service that provides employee perks for small and medium sized businesses created some special recipes geared towards that special drinking-in-the-office occasion… the question is, which is your particular poison? Here are the recipes re-published with permission from that crafty BetterWorks team.
9 Tasty New Cocktail Recipes for the Office!
Alcoholic drinks are named after many themes, from certain beach activities to strange old hoaxes. But underrepresented in the cocktail world are office-themed drinks. And while there is a church (work) and state (everywhere else) libation division, the occasional office party needs its cocktail canon clarified. Here to fix the problem are nine office-appropriate original cocktail and shot recipes.
The “Blue Screen of Death”
A sharp, pungent, and unwelcome cocktail traditionally served spontaneously and in totally inappropriate situations.
- Fill your glass half-full with clear soda water
- Add a twist of lime
- Stir serenely
- Without warning, suddenly pour 1oz of Sour Blue Pucker and 1oz of blackberry schnapps
- Throw ice at the cup
- Shake furiously
- Serve whatever is left in the glass and storm out of the room
The “Fax Machine”
An arcane, difficult, and ultimately-unsatisfying cocktail for people who honestly believe they were better-off before email.
- 1 sugar cube in a glass
- Add a splash of soda water
- Get out your muddle. Muddle the sugar.
- Fill with whiskey to the top
- Add to shaker with ice. Shake with an air of ambivalence
- Get out your Hawthorne Strainer. Strain over a fresh glass with ice.
- Don’t forget a dash of Bitters
- Add a splash of Tab soda and serve with a swizzle stick
The “Howard Schultz”
Named after the Starbucks CEO, the Howard Schultz is inspired by the brand’s popular line of coffee-flavored desserts.
- In a Styrofoam cup, combine:
- 1pt vodka
- 1pt Kahlua
- 1pt simple syrup
- 1pt chocolate liqueur
- 1 dash of Adderall
- Pour over foamed milk and serve smugly
The “Pink Slip”
An office favorite. Due to the discomfort involved in consuming the beverage, the Pink Slip is seldom served twice.
- Turn shotglass upside-down
- On the upturned underside of the shotglass, splash a few drops of Cinnamon Aftershock (the surface tension will hold them in place)
- Add a pinch of salt
- Snort the mixture intranasally
- Quickly excuse yourself from the room to sob privately in the bathroom
The “Gordon Gekko”
An obscenely expensive and wholly-unnecessary cocktail reserved for the ultra-wealthy.
- 1pt Golschlägen
- 1pt gold, powdered
- Combine in a chalice
- Float a splash of Everclear over the mixture
- Ignite. Light a cigar over the flaming beverage
- Throw the drink away. Enjoy your cigar
The “Keurig”
Named after the brand of office coffee makers which the drink requires, this is a playful early-morning drink that begs to be shared.
- In a Keurig-brand coffee machine, combine
- 1pt vodka
- 1pt Baileys
- 1pt Kahlua
- Load your favorite pre-packaged coffee blend into the machine and enjoy an alcohol-fueled caffeine-boost!
The “Madoff”
An tricky, unethical beverage best-suited for large gatherings.
- Take 1 shot from your friend, but promise you’ll repay him with two shots in one hour
- Enjoy your free shot
- Find three more friends and make the same deal with them for a total of 3 new shots
- Go ahead and give friend #1 those two shots you owe him; take the third for yourself
- Scam continues exponentially
- See how long you can keep this up…
The “Tony Hayward”
An embarrassing cocktail best consumed quickly before anyone sees you.
- Rim a very large tumbler in coarse-grain sea salt
- Fill halfway with water
- Top-off glass with crude oil.
- Shake and serve unapologetically over an endangered sea creature
The “M.B.A. Student”
An overrated cocktail that you’re probably better-off not making at all.
- 1pt whatever you’ve got
- Serve frequently, as much as you can
Photos courtesy of ginnerobot, Unlisted Sightings, alpha du centaure, Robert S. Donovan, and YLegrand, available under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.
