9 Tasty New Cocktail Recipes! Office Humor Courtesy of BetterWorks

Tech Cocktail loves a startup that has a sense of humor. What better way to grab people’s attention and expose a bit of personality? That’s why this blog post from LA-based BetterWorks caught our eye (we also have a special affinity for a well crafted cocktail…). The startup service that provides employee perks for small and medium sized businesses created some special recipes geared towards that special drinking-in-the-office occasion… the question is, which is your particular poison? Here are the recipes re-published with permission from that crafty BetterWorks team.

9 Tasty New Cocktail Recipes for the Office!

Alcoholic drinks are named after many themes, from certain beach activities to strange old hoaxes.  But underrepresented in the cocktail world are office-themed drinks. And while there is a church (work) and state (everywhere else) libation division, the occasional office party needs its cocktail canon clarified. Here to fix the problem are nine office-appropriate original cocktail and shot recipes.

The “Blue Screen of Death”
A sharp, pungent, and unwelcome cocktail traditionally served spontaneously and in totally inappropriate situations. 

  • Fill your glass half-full with clear soda water
  • Add a twist of lime
  • Stir serenely
  • Without warning, suddenly pour 1oz of Sour Blue Pucker and 1oz of blackberry schnapps
  • Throw ice at the cup
  • Shake furiously
  • Serve whatever is left in the glass and storm out of the room

The “Fax Machine”
An arcane, difficult, and ultimately-unsatisfying cocktail for people who honestly believe they were better-off before email.

  • 1 sugar cube in a glass
  • Add a splash of soda water
  • Get out your muddle. Muddle the sugar.
  • Fill with whiskey to the top
  • Add to shaker with ice. Shake with an air of ambivalence
  • Get out your Hawthorne Strainer. Strain over a fresh glass with ice.
  • Don’t forget a dash of Bitters
  • Add a splash of Tab soda and serve with a swizzle stick

The “Howard Schultz”
Named after the Starbucks CEO, the Howard Schultz is inspired by the brand’s popular line of coffee-flavored desserts.

  • In a Styrofoam cup, combine:
  • 1pt vodka
  • 1pt Kahlua
  • 1pt simple syrup
  • 1pt chocolate liqueur
  • 1 dash of Adderall
  • Pour over foamed milk and serve smugly

The “Pink Slip”
An office favorite. Due to the discomfort involved in consuming the beverage, the Pink Slip is seldom served twice.

  • Turn shotglass upside-down
  • On the upturned underside of the shotglass, splash a few drops of Cinnamon Aftershock (the surface tension will hold them in place)
  • Add a pinch of salt
  • Snort the mixture intranasally
  • Quickly excuse yourself from the room to sob privately in the bathroom

The “Gordon Gekko”
An obscenely expensive and wholly-unnecessary cocktail reserved for the ultra-wealthy.

  • 1pt Golschlägen
  • 1pt gold, powdered
  • Combine in a chalice
  • Float a splash of Everclear over the mixture
  • Ignite. Light a cigar over the flaming beverage
  • Throw the drink away. Enjoy your cigar

The “Keurig”
Named after the brand of office coffee makers which the drink requires, this is a playful early-morning drink that begs to be shared.

  • In a Keurig-brand coffee machine, combine
  • 1pt vodka
  • 1pt Baileys
  • 1pt Kahlua
  • Load your favorite pre-packaged coffee blend into the machine and enjoy an alcohol-fueled caffeine-boost!

The “Madoff”
An tricky, unethical beverage best-suited for large gatherings.

  • Take 1 shot from your friend, but promise you’ll repay him with two shots in one hour
  • Enjoy your free shot
  • Find three more friends and make the same deal with them for a total of 3 new shots
  • Go ahead and give friend #1 those two shots you owe him; take the third for yourself
  • Scam continues exponentially
  • See how long you can keep this up…

The “Tony Hayward” 
An embarrassing cocktail best consumed quickly before anyone sees you.

  • Rim a very large tumbler in coarse-grain sea salt
  • Fill halfway with water
  • Top-off glass with crude oil.
  • Shake and serve unapologetically over an endangered sea creature

The “M.B.A. Student”
An overrated cocktail that you’re probably better-off not making at all.

  • 1pt whatever you’ve got
  • Serve frequently, as much as you can

Photos courtesy of ginnerobotUnlisted Sightingsalpha du centaureRobert S. Donovan, and YLegrand, available under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license. 

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Written by:
Jen Consalvo is the Cofounder and COO of Tech.Co. She previously worked in product development for almost 13 years at AOL for audiences of millions. Follow her on Twitter at: @noreaster.
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