Tired of staring at a dull, grey office stapler? Sick of chewing on a tattered, plastic, ballpoint pen? Disgusted by the sight of endless heaps of printer paper?
Maybe it’s time to make some changes. Why not try these weird and wonderful office gadgets, pens, and stationery, sourced from every corner of the Internet to help spark the imagination and distract you from the day-to-day grind of office life.
So – whether you’re looking for an obviously weaponized pen you can use for self-defense, an edible pencil that you can pare onto your salad, or a desk that helps you keep fit – these weird and wonderful office gadgets will entertain and enthrall you throughout the working day.
1. Seven-year pen.
You can get a lot done in seven years, and you can probably get even more done if you use one of these reasonably priced writing implements. Hidden inside the plastic casing is a jumbo ink cartridge that will, the manufacturers say, write 1.7 meters a day for seven years.
Weirdness: 2/5
Wonderfulness: 2/5
2. Bullet space pen
The Space Pen is a classic gadget that writes in space, underwater and upside down. The manufacturer, Fisher, patented their first anti-gravity pen in 1965, and soon had orders from NASA. Subsequently, a hundred pens were ordered by Russia for their Cosmonauts. How does it work? The ink is pressurized within the refill by compressed nitrogen. The manufacturers promise the pen will last a hundred years.
Weirdness: 2/5
Wonderfulness: 5/5
3. Concrete Pen
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Concrete’s not just for skyscrapers and motorway overpasses: you can also make pens from it. The unique pens, available from the concrete industry journal CPI, can also be bought with a personalized message embossed on them. For some people, a concrete pen is not enough: you can also buy a pen or Post-It note holder, both made from concrete.
Weirdness: 4/5
Wonderfulness: 4/5
4. Dupont Neo-Classique
This stylish French-made pen is not the only one to stash a USB memory stick in the barrel, but it is the most fetching of the selection. Made from Chinese lacquer and palladium with an 18 carat white gold nib, it could be worth splashing out for.
Weirdness: 2/5
Wonderfulness: 3/5
5. Laser keyboard
Missing a keyboard for your tablet but unwilling to cart one around with you? This gadget, that uses a laser to project a keyboard onto a flat surface, could be the answer. Running from a lithium battery, it’s pocket-sized and also functions as a mouse.
Weirdness: 5/5
Wonderfulness: 3/5
6. Inkless Pen
This pen draws on a kind of writing practiced in the medieval period: metalpoint, which used a soft metal to write directly on specially prepared paper. This inkless pen, whose nib is made from metal alloy, writes on normal paper – printer or copier paper is best. Its manufacturers claim that with normal use it’ll last 25 years.
Weirdness: 3/5
Wonderfulness: 4/5
7. Multi-tool pen
This is the Swiss Army knife of pens. A hole puncher, file, short cutting blade, long cutting blade, flat screwdriver, Phillips screwdriver, nail remover, ear pick, tweezer, fork and saw are all contained within the pen’s chrome barrel.
Weirdness: 2/5
Wonderfulness: 4/5
8. Pac-Man Stapler
Pac-Man, the lovable bright yellow pellet-munching, ghost-chasing globe, has been rendered in stapler form for this excellent office implement. The rubbery yellow Pac-Man form houses a refillable mini stapler. One for video game obsessives.
Weirdness: 3/5
Wonderfulness: 4/5
9. Parker Urban pen
Perhaps not very weird but undoubtedly very wonderful, the Parker Urban ballpoint pen was featured in Skyfall, the most recent James Bond movie. Its sleekly tapered form makes it a business favorite, not just in the spy circles Judi Dench’s M moves in. Fast becoming a modern classic.
Weirdness: 0/5
Wonderfulness: 5/5
10. Pen made from magnets
Bridging the gap between tool and toy, the Polar Pen is made of a stacked tube of magnets that can be adjusted, reconfigured and turned into toys and games. It can be used as a compass for drawing circles, or just played with for distraction’s sake. It can be fitted with either rollerball or fineliner refills, and, once the cap’s on, can be used as a stylus for tablets.
Weirdness: 4/5
Wonderfulness: 3/5
11. Pen Type-A
This minimalist stainless steel pen is housed in a sleeve that’s laser etched with imperial and metric units so that it can function as a ruler. Perfect for architects, illustrators and designers, the starkly named Pen Type-A cuts a unique figure in a crowded marketplace. Takes a standard rollerball refill.
Weirdness: 2/5
Wonderfulness: 4/5
12. Porsche Design Shake Pen
A quick shake of the wrist clicks this pen’s nib into position; another shake retracts it. Featuring the cool, clean luxury design that Porsche Design is renowned for, the pen is an elegant combination of cutting edge innovation – it’s made from carbon fiber – and classic styling. Worth taking for a test drive.
Weirdness: 2/5
Wonderfulness: 4/5
13. Ray Gun Pen
Designed by Ben Hall and produced by ACME Studios, this chrome pop art-style pen is holstered in its own bright red gunsight desk holder. Decorated with cartoonish Sci-Fi lightning bolts on the grip and pen lid, this pen is a fun retro masterpiece and a worthy addition to any desk.
Weirdness: 4/5
Wonderfulness: 4/5
AND NOW FOR THE REALLY WEIRD STUFF…
14. Parmesan Pencil
Is this a pencil that acts like a food or a food that acts like a pencil? Perhaps trying to write with these pencil-shaped blocks of parmesan cheese will provide the answer. While the ‘wooden’ part of the pencils contain the cheese, the ‘lead’ part of the pencils are flavored: either truffles, pesto or chili. The pencil parer acts as a grater.
Weirdness: 5/5
Wonderfulness: 4/5
15. Alien abduction lamp.
Maybe you believe that the truth about unexplained lights in the sky will eventually be uncovered, or perhaps you just want to light your desk by the glow of a UFO that’s in the process of lifting a surprised cow from the circle of astroturf it had been standing on. Featuring removable bovine abductee and glow-in-the-dark aliens in the UFO’s cockpit.
Weirdness: 5/5
Wonderfulness: 3/5
16. Sci-Fi Pen
This ergonomic pen – all foam rubber bumpers and flyaway wire braces – is designed by Jean-Pierre Lépine. Looking like something from Luc Besson’s The Fifth Element, this colourful and curved ballpoint is, design-wise, somewhere between a Bic biro and a surgical crutch, and promises a unique writing experience.
Weirdness: 5/5
Wonderfulness: 5/5
17. Uzi Tactical Pen
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Anyone who has watched Matt Damon plunge a blue ballpoint into an assailant’s hand in the first Bourne movie is aware of the combat potential of writing implements. The Uzi – yes, that Uzi – tactical pen delivers on this potential with an aircraft-grade aluminium body, a glassbreaker and a built in cuff key. Combat-ready and very scary.
Weirdness: 4/5
Wonderfulness: 3/5
18. Tetris desk lamp
In times of stress, what better way to unwind than breaking apart your desk lamp and rebuilding it piece-by-piece, as if you were playing the classic puzzle game, Tetris? This lamp consists of tetronimo-shaped pieces that light up when slotted together. A great way to brighten up those dull winter days.
Weirdness: 4/5
Wonderfulness: 5/5
19. Aurora Diamante pen
If you had $1.5 million to spend on a pen, this is probably the one you’d go for. Reportedly, the most expensive writing implement in existence, this pen is made of platinum, encrusted with more than 30 carats of De Beers diamonds, and has an 18-carat solid-gold nib. One to reserve for special occasions only – like when you’re signing a multimillion dollar contract for image rights with a sports company.
Weirdness: 5/5
Wonderfulness: 5/5
20. Walkstation
If you want some exercise, but you’re always at the office, maybe this combination workstation and treadmill is the answer. With a maximum belt speed of 2mph, this is not for joggers. Instead it’s for anyone who wants to keep active by walking while working – there’s a workspace surface directly above the treadmill, and you can keep track of your exercise using the display, which records speed, calories burned, time and distance. Executive exercise has come a long way since Woody Allen’s film Bananas.
Weirdness: 4/5
Wonderfulness: 3/5
